Some Friday ago ( I can't remember which!) me and the bf's kawan-kawanan (wtf) went to Slippery Senoritas. Surprisingly it wasn't as crowded as usual and blah blah blah ...and I can't believe that they make those girls from the live band wear horizontal stripes dress! Obviously wearing horizontal stripes is not a crime (nor a big deal) provided that if you have a long and lean figure otherwise it spells disaster! Which in my case, it is!
Those "killer" legs really did almost killed the audiences, if not just me. They really makes me wonder, what is wrong with the girls nowaday???
We are supposed to dress to impress, not the other way round. Everytime I see some underage
lalas wearing
pink stocking on her left leg and
yellow on another, with different color
shoe lace, I feel the urge to hide her in a human size box. They simply gives me migraine.
No thanks to Gwen Stefani and her infamous Harajuku girls.
Therefore, in effort to put an end to all the miseries that you might have unknowingly gave to others, I am offering a lesson on 'How to dress to impress'/'Basic knowledge on beauty and fashion'/'Be kind. Stop causing eyesore'.
Here we go..
Rule No.1 :There is no ghost (haha slogan from the ghost movie 'Rule No.1' by Ekin Cheng hahahaha Shaun Yuen is so so good looking~~ ok be serious Sam ok)
Ahem.
Rule No.1 : Standing tall. Heels are important because not only does it boost your height, it boost your confidence as well. The first thing that catches a guy's attention is not the face, but the height. Sad to know but it's true.
Given a scenario, where two girls walks next to each other into a club, 8 out of 10 guys confessed that they would check out the taller one first because the shorter one will most likely being drown in the crowd hahaha just kidding.
You may argue until the cow falls down from the sky but the tallest always stands out from the rest.
For instance if the Statue of Liberty is placed just next to our KL tower, which do you think you'll notice first? Hah...see what I mean? I'm so patriotic.
Conclusion is that always wear your heels (I recommend 4-5inches depending on your height because you wouldn't want to step into a place looking like a drag queen). Wearing sandal/pump/sneaker/sport shoe for clubbing is definitely a big no no. And never hunch!
Rule No.2 : Our face comes off as the most important of all assets. Surprise!
Duh.
Eventhough the first thing that a guy may notice about a girl is her height, but once he switches his sight to her face and
if unfortunately, she looks like Amy Winehouse minus the lovely voice, she's instantly being deleted from his brain memory.
Thus, always make sure that your face are in the best of condition. It doesn't have to be heavily made-up with plenty of dramatic falsies because you will probably send the wrong idea that you are a very high-maintenance chick to him and trust me, guys don't dig that. Uh well, unless he's into plastics and barbie dolls. Otherwise, just keep 'em clean and simple.
A set of nicely shaped brow really does the trick of enhancing the rest of the face feature so make sure that your brow don't look like that of some protected property.
When applying eyeshadow, do make sure that you blend it with at least two colors wtf this is basic knowledge okay google 'makeup guides' la if you are inexperience or can try 'how to apply eyeshadow' also but don't type too long like 'I want to know how to apply eyeshadow correctly so that my eyes will not look small/big/senget because my eyes are small/big/senget' because you'll ended up with cosmetic surgery websites instead.
Invest in a good liquid eyeliner because it just makes so much different to your eyes. My eyes are gone the moment I removed my eyeliner wtf :'( The one eyeliner that has been my favorite eversince I learn about the importance of eyeliner for single-eyelider (wtf) like me is the one from Body Shop. I love its easy to apply brush and the thick texture of it. Some eyeliners are either too light or takes ages to draw and I hate it when I have to re-draw over and over again and finally ruined my eyes makeup especially when I'm in a rush!
More often than not, we find ourselves being attracted to pretty stuffs irregardless of our sexuality. Guys love cool rides while girls are irresistible to diamonds. We like our stuffs to be neat, tidy and flawless. But of course, we all have flaws hence the imperfection. But it's okay because so long as we handle our flaws meticulously, none of it will really matters anymore.
Rule No. 3 : The hair.
PLEASE PEOPLE. If you think that your stylist is being honest with you when he tells you that the puffy on top straight at the bottom with green and red highlights bangs a.k.a The Jellyfish hairstyle looks awesome on you,
THINK AGAIN.
Even Taiwan celeb, Rainie Yang fails to pull it off. In fact I think she regretted it so much that she's decided that she no longer wants to be cute. Wtf cute or hot I'll never like you okay???
OHKAYYY???!
Omg did you watch her MVs? and her 'Miss No Good' (taiwanese series) with Wilber Pan?? So freaking annoying can die. I watch 10minutes of the first episode and quit rightafter. My Wilber
kissed her... T_T
Eh sorry offtrack. *Rewind*. Fyi, guys love girls to be au
naturel. Plain and simple. Which means no flatter than the field hair or high fashion hairstyle like that of Dawn from MDG.
*stone*
Have anyone noticed her cacat-ed falsie? *gasps*
Likewise, I've seen guys with side swept bangs that have one part of their eyes fully covered by the bangs and how I wish that I could use a hairpin to pin up the bangs so that he can see with two eyes instead of one.
The next time before you're about to step out of your house, look into the mirror and ask yourself if you like what you're seeing. Hmm..if you like the emo hairstyle with bangs covering one eye that you see in the mirror, just for assurance, get opinions from your friends.
If you're mixing with a group of Gothics and they too find that your emo hairstyle rawks, ask your dog/cat/tortoise/iguana.
If your pet run away at the sight of you, I bet you'll know what that means.
Ultimately, find a hairstyle that suits your look. Bangs are for those with high forehead while almost anyone could pull the big curly tresses off without having to try too hard. If you're opting for something that is easy to manage, you might like to consider going au
naturel.
Boring? Try adding some colors to it. Light colors such as chestnut and dark ash blonde helps to lighten up the skin color therefore if you have dark skin color
do not go for jet black because you'll only ended up looking like you haven't shower for ages.
Nonetheless, trim your hair once every two months and black roots is so unsexy on colored hair so make sure you do retouching whenever necessary!
Rule No. 4 : Know your style. The one thing that I'm most pantang about wardrobe malfunction is those who pairs up their pretty dress with sport shoes.
I mean, hell(n)o? Leave the sport shoes to the sports and globetrekking, there is no excuse for a girl to be committing this mistake! It's a. freakin. disaster. You can't find comfort in beauty. You either be comfortable in your casual jeans and t-shirt
or choose to look totally mind-blowingly sexy in your tight squeeze-in dress and 5inches stilettos.
Other than that, granny glasses is also a major turnoff therefore if you really must, opt for something sophisticated or better yet, ditch it for a pair of contact lens! Color contact lens are nice as long as you play safe with natural colors such as
brown or
grey.
BLUE and
RED eyes freaks me out.
If on some days where you're having a red eye or unmotivated to make up, tie your hair up in a bun and put on your shades (only applies to daytime only because if you wear your shades to the club at night people might think that you're blind). For nighttime if you're too lazy to make up then just stay at home and watch Animal Planet.
Next on, please do not let me see saggy
neh neh anymore because it should be long gone the moment push-up bras are invented (geniuses!)
I could still remember when I was in my adolescence years I was too vulnerable (
eleh stupid say stupid
la what vulnerable
cheh) to know what push-up bras were. Then there was a few times when I would go out with a few friends of my age (bird of the same feather flocks together) wearing my bell bottom shaped jeans and a spaghetti strap tank top parading my pre-developed "Gunung Kinabalu" off. And I thought I was hot. Diao.
Lesson to be learn: If you don't have a mountain, die die also push it out of a molehill.
Rule No. 5 : (Try to) Stay slim. Might not be easy but seriously, slim people effortlessly looks good in anything they wear while plus size people needs to try twice (or thrice) as hard just to achieve a presentable look. Besides, not only will you get to wear almost ANY clothes you like, your health will improve tremendously too. You will notice the improvement in your skin condition and you'll automatically feel better about yourself.
Back when I was still fat, I would throw tantrums all the time. Cheh not saying that I don't throw tantrum now la cuz I still get angry when people drives like my grandpa eh sorry my grandpa never drive he cycles only. It wasn't until recently I realised that I was such a hothead because I was lacking in my self-esteem.
Thus, in order to feel good, we have to look good. Self-esteem is crucial for the first step to everything. Whether when you want to scold someone for cutting your queue or you want to request for more sambal on your nasi lemak you gotta have the self-esteem which is the source to courage. If you don't have self-esteem you'll never enjoy your nasi lemak wtf.
Alright, that's all I can share about for the time being because I can hardly think now I'm hungry and I want my nasi lemak and I'm so haggardly looking now I need my bath bye.
P.S : Tell your friend if she looks horrible because you might save her from being the laughing stock of the day. Best friend stabs at the front mah.
p.p.s : The next time you see some weirdos in a shopping mall or wandering down the street, give him/her/whatever that horrified expression, jog off and leave the rest to him/her/whatever. You can practise those expressions by watching alot of horror movies such as 'The Ring' or 'The Grudge' or 'Texas Chainsaw of Massacre'.
What want to be scared? You look almost as scary.
Not forget to mention, pray for him. SINCERELY.
Like when you're praying for a new Louis Vuitton bag like that.
p.p.p.s : Don't forget to shave your armpit.
Thank you.
