My Pursuit of Happyness

It's Thursday again. Sigh. and I will not get to see Baby A tomorrow. At least not until my next homecoming.

No matter how hard I try to fight this feeling off, it would always come back to me again regardless. Thinker. Having to be selfish, as what you might call, I find myself still standing at this crossroad allowing my mind to roam to the path that it had chose. A path where the heart collided with mind. Why can't I just make up my goddamn mind? If it wasn't for her, for my precious princess, I would have long moved on.

!!!

Marcus is still contemplating about us by diverting everything to his work. I seriously have no idea of what is in his goddamn mind. and I don't want to know either.

Because I'm afraid of the consequences of turning back. And because I don't want to.

Because I can never be happier than I am now. To break free from all the worries and uncertainties. To know that S truly loves me for who I am. I'm in euphoria.

Isn't this is how love supposed to be ?

All my life, every little step, every thought and plan, every decisions that have been made, they were all about you, if not us. Never once had I wish that you will be different from the first day I met you because I loved you for who you are. In fact, I left because you changed. I assumed that it was a good change but ironically, I just couldn't cope anymore because it was all about YOU. Your evolutionary change has been for none other than you, yourself. You gradually lost the "us" in your each passing day. I'm petrified everytime I starts to wonder what is going to left in another 10years and my mind would just went blank.

And you were too blind to see that everytime you took a step forward, I was push further behind. And by the time you've realised it, I'm already gone from your sight.

It was really heart wrenching , to have decided to let go after all the hard efforts of trying to salvage the remaining of us. To let innocent people down and suffer in silence or rather, in disgrace. But after all the continuous failure and disappointment, I have come to learn that to let go is to know that it has, and will always be effortless and I'm sick of you sabotaging everything that we had built in the past 7 years. Letting go is hard, but staying is even harder.

Regrettably, Princess A wasn't supposed to be victimised but what has been done has been done and crying over spilt milk is never an option for me. Princess A is a bright child, and I'm thankful because she knows that despite the massive new change that she now has to adapt to, our love for her will always remained unchanged.

Like I said, I loved you dear, but it takes two to tango.

Dammit why am I so emo you tell me why -_-

Anyways, come April and I am still procrastinating about stuffs that should have been completed by now. I'm such a pig. I think I should really stop being nice and step up (so that God can finally see me?) to say out what I really want - LOUD AND CLEAR. Otherwise "they" will start to take me for granted again wtf. Ima be mean and get rid of whatever obstacle that hinders my way and stop me from being happy! Thats right, I am so crazily in love again and I *heart* my newfound happiness! :) Loser.

Why oh why..